Hello friends! It’s me again, the trusty intern, back with the next guide. Summer is coming, and summer means road trips. So before venturing to God’s country for Spilt Milk 2018, gather your gang and listen up, because this is the Intern’s Guide to: Road Trip Etiquette.
Scores of friendships over the years have been pushed to their limits due to discrepancies over silly, immature, unofficial shotgun rules. But that ends today! If you didn’t know by now, there is official Shotgun Legislation to abide by when calling shotgun. Because it’s such a huge and official document, I will so graciously summarise it for you.
- Verbal Confirmation – You must say “Shotgun” to stake your claim.
- Line-of-Sight – You must be in sight of the car.
- Footwear – Your footwear for the ride must be on your feet, before you can call Shotgun. Since you must be outside to call Shotgun, some people will simply grab their shoes/sandals, jump outside and call Shotgun before putting their shoes on. BIG NO NO.
- Shotgun Abandonment – If the Shotgun rider exits the vehicle then Shotgun becomes available to the remaining passengers as soon as the existing Shotgun rider has opened the door to exit.
- The No-Doze – In cases of long journeys, Shotgun riders must keep the driver awake. This means that the Shotgun rider must not sleep either.
- The Waiter – When patronising a fast food drive-thru, the Shotgun rider must proactively unwrap and prepare the driver’s food so that it can be eaten with minimal driving distraction.
- Text by Proxy – If the Shotgun rider sees the driver texting and driving, he must scold the driver, take the cell phone away, and assume texting responsibilities.
- The Navigator – Shotgun riders are responsible for navigation to the destination
There are many more rules, responsibilities and exceptions to the official shotgun rules. They are absolute gold and would highly recommend giving them a read!
Now traditionally, the person in shotgun would be responsible of providing the trip’s tunes as the aux could not be passed into the backseat. But we have evolved from those primitive times and bluetooth is at it’s peak. As a society we need to collectively decide on the newest ‘pass the aux’ phrase for bluetooth connection. I for one think, “yo, bestow the bluetooth“, is hella catchy.
So… if you have been bestowed the bluetooth, follow these simple DJ rules.
- Always have songs in the queue – There’s nothing worse than when a car DJ isn’t on top of their queue and creates a moment of silence because they’ve forgotten to have another song at the ready.
- Keep everyone happy – Just because you’ve been blessed with the bluetooth doesn’t mean your music taste is the only thing the car wants to listen to. Play a wide range of genres and artists, not just the entire discography of Lil Pump.
- Take requests – Don’t act like you’ve got an entire set list that can’t be interrupted. If another member of the road trip requests a song, just queue it aye.
- Volume control – This is a mixed responsibility between the DJ and Shotgun as it can be controlled from the phone or in the front. Make sure it is at a suitable decibel level to discuss festival plans, tell stories and banter.
Look, snacks on a road trip are pretty straight forward. If you bring snacks, they should be shared. Your comrades should know when they are stepping over the line by taking too much food.
THE HELICOPTER EFFECT
You know that helicopter noise thing? When only one person puts their window down and it makes that WHUM WHUM WHUM throbbing in your ear? Yeah don’t do that. Co-ordinate with the car for all window winding inquiries and either have 2+ down or keep them up.
NO NEGATIVE VIBES
This is the most important rule for road trips. You are in a confined space and if any person is emitting negative vibes, you can feel it. It completely ruins the car ride. No matter what’s on your mind, just stay positive! You are hanging with your besties, the summer sun is blaring, tunes are pumping and you’re on the way to the best festival experience of your life. There’s nothing better!
THE ROAD HOME:
You’ve had the best time at Spilt Milk and are leaving with a stack memories to go home with. But on the long journey home there’s a certain sadness emanating within the vehicle. You and your friends are zombiefied from yesterday’s activities and yearning to go back. So how can you help with this?
- Award Ceremony – Get everyone to vote in your own best on ground awards. Between your mates get everyone to vote for The Magician (disappeared and ran off by themselves the most), The Space Cadet (most out of it all day), The Hardcore Fan (most moshes/closest to the front) and the Masterchef (sat down and ate the most food)
- Reminisce – Go around and name your favourite acts you watched, what the best food was and the funniest things your friends did on the day.
- Relive – Once story time is over, whoever has been bestowed the Bluetooth, chuck on the Spilt Milk 2018 Spotify playlist and relive the amazing day. You can compliment this by watching the videos you took of your favourite acts to achieve those euphoric goosebumps. You know the ones.
And that’s it everyone! I want you all to be best friends and not fight in the car, so follow this guide and everyone will be happy. Thanks for listening and stay tuned for the third and final guide! Love from ya boi, the intern.